I have been asked this question so many times I decided to make it the subject of this month’s blog. As we all know when we start to meditate getting a regular routine going can be the tricky part; once that is established it is pretty much plain sailing for a while. But then a holiday comes along, and the combination of children, visitors, days out, trips away etc. throws all those good intentions out.
As a meditation teacher I have made a commitment to daily formal meditation and in some ways, this makes it easier as everyone knows I ‘have’ to meditate each day. However, I was contemplating this just the other day when stating my intention for that day’s meditation. I asked myself, ‘why am I meditating?’, the first answer, ‘because I have to.’ Then I asked, ‘is this the only reason?’ I soon realised that if someone gave me permission to skip my meditation for a few days I wouldn’t want to. I have learnt how beneficial daily practice is for me and I now make it a priority.
However, I also know how hard it is to juggle a full time job, four children and elderly parents especially during the holidays, so here are my personal five top tips to help you:
1) Lower your expectations for a while
If you have to change your meditation time you may not be as alert so choose exercises you find easier, give yourself a break and remember you are doing the best you can. Use guided meditations more, do body scans before you get out of bed. The important thing is to keep trying; decide how long you will sit for and then just do it, however you think it is going.
Another trick is to do shorter meditations more often. Obviously we want to extend our practice and learn to sit for longer periods over time, but sometimes this simply isn’t possible so we end up just not doing any practice at all. Even ten minutes is beneficial; the worst meditation is one that doesn’t happen. A few minutes of mindful breathing at intervals throughout the day can work wonders.
2) Incorporate more daily mindfulness
Almost any activity can become a meditation. Thich Nhat Hanh says that any walk is a meditation, we can also eat mindfully, wash mindfully, clean mindfully etc. I would suggest two methods: first choose an activity for the day which you will carry out mindfully, decide what it will be the night before and how long you will spend doing this (e.g. the first three minutes of my shower or every time I wash my hands). This way you have a clear, manageable intention which you stick to and which helps you maintain some sort of daily routine.
I read a story once about a woman who had young children and was unable to find time to meditate. This was really getting her down until a visiting monk asked her what her daily routine was. Thinking he would try and persuade her to find time for formal practice she was surprised when he agreed that there simply wasn’t time in her day. Instead he encouraged her to see that caring for her family was a form of mindfulness and her daily washing up became her meditation practice for some years. Instead of this being a chore, it became something she looked forward to doing as ‘her time’.
Second, you can meditate anywhere: sit on a beach, close your eyes and just listen, allow sounds to come to you. Feel the air move over your skin, breathe in and notice what you can smell. Stop every now and then and examine a flower, a leaf, a rock as if it is the first one you have ever seen. Really listen to what your child / partner / parent is saying to you as if it is the most important conversation in the world, because in some ways it is.
3) Get the kids involved
Children are very mindful and love activities such as blowing bubbles and shouting goodbye to worries, watching clouds and noticing different shapes or colours and seeing how many different shapes of shell or stone they can spot. Just noticing without judging is a very useful skill for them to learn. They also love sound meditations, ask them to close their eyes and listen for a minute and then ask them what sounds they heard in order – it helps with their concentration and memory too.
When colouring with older children suggest they use their non-dominant hand for a while, it doesn’t matter how tidy it is, it is the fact that they focused well that counts. There are lots of sensory activities online which can be used as mindful activities. Sharing this kind of practice helps the whole family.
4) Have a clear intention
Write in your diary when you will return to your formal daily practice and stick to it. Discipline is part of meditation and I know from experience how easy it is to let it slide and how detrimental that can be. And if you feel part way through your family holiday that you really need time to meditate on your own don’t feel guilty about it. You wouldn’t feel guilty if you were ill and needed to lie down for half an hour so why feel guilty about doing an activity which will keep you happy and healthy? Making your meditation time a priority will also help your future practice and sends a positive message to those around you that you value your well-being.
5) End each day with gratitude
If every waking moment of your day is filled with family and loved ones who all want your time remember to be thankful for this. Take a bit of time at the end of the day to be grateful for the health that allows you to be busy, for the people who want to be in your life and the amazing adventures you are having each day. Sometimes the best that can be said of a day is that we all survived in one piece ready to go again tomorrow; things don’t have to be perfect. When we count our many small blessings we realise how lucky we are, then we can sleep, reminding ourselves that we are doing the best we can.
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