Under Pressure

As you may know I’ve just returned from 7 weeks travelling with my partner through Malaysia, New Zealand, Thailand & Oman. It has been epic & mostly awesome. I won’t pretend the travelling hasn’t been difficult (I really don’t travel well – especially flying) but we have seen some amazing sights, met some amazing people & caught up with wonderful friends.

One of the great things I’ve experienced is how invaluable my mindfulness practice has been.

Firstly, it has helped me cope with the difficult aspects of travel such as breathing exercises during painful flights & helping me manage & structure my days with self-care so that I could stay well. These are the more obvious ways we can use our mindfulness to help us in different situations when we feel overwhelmed or just out of our comfort zone.

My Shibashi trainer, Brian, taught me early on, ‘focus on what you can do, not what you can’t’. This has been fantastic advice & never more so than when travelling. It’s easy to get frustrated & distracted by what isn’t going well (remember the negativity bias?) but all of that training I’ve done over the years really kicked in. When I found myself wishing that things were different, or that I was more able, I returned to this teaching. My daily Shibashi practice was a reset where using the mantra ‘thoughts are just thoughts, not facts’ supported my intention to stay focused on what I could do that day rather than ruminating on what was difficult for me.

But equally important was the less obvious way that applying daily mindfulness helped.

We had a pretty jam-packed schedule, often moving on somewhere different each day, using a combination of campervan (nicknamed ‘Queezy’), cars, ferries & planes, and it is easy in those circumstances to spend most of the time planning what is coming next. If we aren’t careful, we can spend each day future planning rather than enjoying what we are doing in the moment.

Future planning (or future thinking as it is sometimes called) is both a blessing and a curse. It helps us reach goals and avoid pitfalls through imagining outcomes & organising for them. However, it can also lead to stress, anxiety & missing the present as we time travel into the imagined future. And if we continually do this, we are never actually living our lives, just an imagined future version of them.

Mindfulness practice helps us do something that psychologists call ‘savouring’. Whilst future planning is associated with goals and anticipation (which can create what is called anticipatory anxiety), savouring is associated with enjoyment, positivity & well-being.

So, how do we find a balance between the two?

Obviously, we need to plan, or we would never achieve anything. But equally we need to enjoy the present moment otherwise what have we been planning for? Mindfulness practice, or mindful brain-training, helps us to train the mind to do the planning that is needed and then to let it go and focus on the present.

One handy tip I used a lot whilst travelling was to put a certain amount of time aside each day to plan for the next part of the journey and then whenever I noticed my mind wandering back towards planning or even catastrophising, making a conscious effort to focus on something right in front of me. I used the 5 senses practice a lot, what can I see? Hear? Smell? Touch? Taste? If I look at a plant, can I take in the whole plant? Then just a flower? A petal? And so on.

Then I really focused on what was most pleasant about the experience. Sometimes it is obvious: a beautiful view or a lovely scent, but sometimes it can simply be that it is something different. Something you have never seen before and may well never see again; simply revelling in the uniqueness of the moment. Savouring is a major factor in enjoying and making the most out of each day.

Planning v Savouring for the new year

At the start of every new year talk tends to turn towards new year resolutions or starting something afresh. It can feel like a lot of pressure to come up with something radical, or to address something we have been putting off, or to live up to someone else’s expectations about how we should look or be living our life.

But, as we’ve already seen, this can be quite stressful & cause us more harm than good. We can easily get caught up in over planning, as well as self-denial or even self-punishment so that instead of enjoying our food, leisure or time spent with others, we feel guilty that we are ‘falling off the wagon’ of our self-imposed new regime.

Also, if we choose to change things because we think we should, rather than because we want to or the time is right for change, then we can end up simply solving a short-term problem (removing the temporary stress of believing we need a ‘fresh start’ ) by creating a long-term problem (being stuck with a worse job / relationship / expensive gym membership) just because we felt pressured to make a change for the new year. Less than 10% of people maintain their new year goals, usually due to choosing something overly ambitious or that doesn’t really fit with what truly matters to us as individuals.

This wouldn’t be a problem if we could simply realise that we made a mistake and give up. But what we tend to do is give up and then feel a sense of failure. This failure then feeds our negative self-image further and we end up sabotaging future efforts at meaningful change.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m a big believer in assessing and making changes; it does us no good to keep repeating the same behaviours just because that’s what we’ve always done. But making sweeping changes once a year because we feel pressured into it? Not so good. Psychologists tell us that if we set goals that are either too difficult to achieve or that are not aligned with our personal values, we simply make ourselves more miserable. We have just exchanged one situation that isn’t working for us for a different one.

Also, we are more likely to fail in a goal if it isn’t right for us, leading to self-criticism & feelings of failure that are de-motivating, so we are then less likely to take risks and make changes that could be beneficial for us in the future.

So how can we feel that we have got off to a good start without causing more difficulties for ourselves?

First – we need to define what we mean by ‘good’. We often use phrases like this, but what do we mean by them? What is a ‘good start’ to a new year?

If you were to describe a ‘good’ year, what would it look like? Take a few moments now to work out what this means for you.

Now look back at what you just imagined. Were you imaging a new, improved you? Were you focusing on material things or people and experiences? Were you thinking about having more things or how you spend your time? What brings you pleasure in your life?

Taking time to work out what really matters to you is key to living a fulfilling life. Then you can decide whether you already have many of these elements in your life or whether you need to make changes to allow more of these to be present. This is helpful planning.

For example, if you brought to mind time spent with loved ones, you may realise that you need to make more space in your busy schedule to spend more time enjoying the people you love to be with. But you may simply realise that you already spend a lot of time with them but you aren’t really present when you do. This is where we can use savouring to really enjoy the things that matter & make lasting changes, since savouring helps us produce those pleasure chemicals that encourage us to do more of the same.

Often the changes that will benefit us most, don’t need to be that sweeping, but they are revolutionary.

So rather than get caught up in setting ambitious goals, constantly future thinking & rarely enjoying the present, try setting some intentions that are aligned with your true values. The Positive Psychology website has some great suggestions I have included here for you so that you can develop habits which will help you maintain the balance between living in the present & planning for the future. I hope you find it helpful.

And remember that part of good planning is to pause and reflect periodically & if we need to change our focus a little then we can. I dislike the constant use of the word 'journey', but I really did find that negotiating the physical aspects of travelling were a very real mirror for navigating the emotional aspects of everyday life, and that mindfulness training was not only a great support, but a means to enjoy as many aspects of the experience as possible.

I wish you all the very best for the New Year & much enjoyment in wonderful surprises,

Natalie x

From PositivePsychology.com

Three ways to set effective intentions this week:

In your work

Instead of "finish the project by Friday," try: "When I sit down each morning, I will work on one high-impact task for 90 minutes before checking email."

In your relationships

Rather than "be more present," try: "When we eat dinner together, I will leave my phone in another room and ask one genuine question about their day."

For personal growth

Don't just aim to "be less stressed." Try: "When I notice tension building, I will pause, take three breaths, and ask myself what I need right now."

The key is making intentions specific and situation-linked: "When X happens, I will do Y." Ground them in your values, not your mood. This turns commitment into automatic behavior, helps you avoid procrastination, and closes the gap between wanting and doing.

Reflection question:

Which goal have you been struggling with? What specific "if-then" intention could help you follow through?