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Get ready for things to get weird: the third stage
This is a short blog as I am aware that people need succinct pieces now which is why I have been concentrating on my short Facebook Live talks. However, sometimes it’s easier to have something to read so here it is.
It seems very fitting to be writing on this topic on the last day of spring, according to the Celtic year, as we are on the cusp of change and things are about to get tricky. However, forewarned is forearmed or, in Mindfulness speak, turning toward difficulty gives us options around how we respond. We can only make informed choices when we have the full facts.
To keep this short I’m not going to quote all the studies here, but they are well documented and supported by a huge body of evidence over many years of studying astronauts, soldiers, prisoners and scientists who spend long periods of time in isolation or separated from loved ones. According to scientists we are about to enter the third stage of isolation and this is the difficult part.
The first stage was accompanied with a degree of shock, anxiety and disbelief. I think we are all acquainted with our reactions during this period.
The second stage is where we are now, a certain ‘coming to terms with’ and settling into the situation as it is. We have got used to meeting together online, working from home and doing without the things we can’t nip out for. Of course, we are all experiencing this differently depending on our circumstances, but I can personally testify that the hundreds of people I have been in contact with over the last few weeks have certainly been more at ease with the situation than was evident in the first couple of weeks or so.
But we are now entering the third stage, and this is where all the rules change. Anyone who has attended an intense, silent meditation retreat where all contact with home is cut off and day after day is conducted entirely in silence, will know what it is like to come face to face with the self where there is no escape and no distraction, and this is similar to what we as a collective will be experiencing over the next few weeks. What will make it harder is the fact that we have no end date in sight, and we will see over the next week or so a growing clamor for a date when restrictions will be eased. We know that prisoners who have open-ended sentences with no definite release date have poorer mental health than those who have an end in sight, however far away that may be. People will begin to indulge in risky behaviour just to feel that they are coming to the end of lockdown and relationships will be tested through disagreements over how to proceed.
So how can we best approach this?
1) See this time as an opportunity. Those who have lived through long periods of isolation often have a desire to repeat the experience. However hard it is at the time, the desire for that chance to reassess what is meaningful remains within. (This is obviously not the case when this period is accompanied by use of addictive drugs which prevent the brain from processing the experience).
2) Keep in contact regularly with the outside world through technology.
3) Keep a daily routine going (I would suggest starting with a meditation, but then I would!)
4) Be kind to yourself, be gentle with your feelings, recognise them as normal. You are a human being with a human brain which will come up with all sorts of weird ideas just due to the situation. You are not losing the plot; you could actually be finding it! Talk things through with someone you trust, a professional or a friend, to get some perspective.
5) Focus on your personal relationships and how you can deepen these.
6) Give yourself space to be alone, getting a balance between connecting and processing is important to our well-being. Your brain will need a break from the computer every now and then.
7) Practice mindfulness / meditation / watching the clouds, connect with the present moment and remind yourself that you can do this moment. Remind yourself of the things you can control and how you can stay safe. Remind yourself of the things you can be thankful for.
8) Learn to be patient and accepting with yourself and those around you. It will be hard, but this is a great time to develop this skill.
We can come out of this better, stronger and more connected than we went into it. I understand the heartache of separation, I’m experiencing this myself, and the frustration of shielding. I’m grateful for living where I do which enables me to risk leaving the house to walk in a field, but maybe you live in a street where you can enjoy the connection from your doorway once a week when we clap for carers. Maybe we can return to appreciating the things, and people that really matter. That would be a true gift. And if we are lucky enough to be managing ok, let’s find out how to support those who are struggling. We could be entering a once in a generation opportunity to learn what it truly means to be human. And remember: This too shall pass.
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