We all want to be happy, don’t we? And yet studies show that as a culture we are becoming less and less happy. In the twenty-five years I have been teaching meditation and mindfulness in various forms, I have yet to meet someone who wants to be stressed, miserable, or depressed; and yet I do meet a lot of people who are waiting to start being happy. When life is less hectic, when the kids are older, when I’ve got that promotion…then I’ll be happy…then I’ll have time to think about other things like being less stressed. But of course, the truth is that the only time to be happy is now. Right now. This very minute. Why put off being happy?
And I’ll admit I’ve fallen into this trap myself, it’s just human nature; reminiscing about the past, fantasising about the future, but the trick is to recognise that this isn’t helping us to be happy.
So, this Blog looks at how to achieve happiness in the here and now, I thought it would be a good place to start as we begin a new year. I’ve entitled this ‘five secrets’ however they are truths we have just forgotten in our hectic lives. Of course, there will always be problems to solve but science is now proving that living in the moment is what brings contentment. In Science magazine (2010) the authors wrote: “Many philosophical and religious traditions teach that happiness is to be found by living in the moment, …to resist mind wandering and to ‘be here now’”. Their research concluded that this is correct; being present in the here and now, moment to moment, is what brings truly lasting happiness.
Five incredibly simple ways to expand our ability to be happy without requiring a huge amount of time.
It takes time to learn to meditate but to begin with all we need to do is pause, breathe, notice, appreciate and be kind. Simple.
Secret 1: Pause
How many times have you driven from A to B and had no conscious recollection of the journey? Or had a shower and got dressed, eaten your lunch or cooked a meal without being aware of most of the process? How many times has the coffee gone in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard due to not paying attention? We all do it however we pay a heavy price: our stress hormones get ramped up as we load our brains with more and more to think about and more to do. We spend more time in the past ruminating over what has happened and in the future worrying about what might happen than we spend in the present.
So next time you make a coffee just pause and notice what you are doing. Where you are. What the coffee smells like and how good it will taste. It only takes a moment to pause and be present.
Secret 2: Breathe
We breathe already so how can it be a secret? The secret is noticing that we breathe. Many of us are unaware that we breathe shallowly, we don’t exhale properly and we don’t notice when our breathing changes – we ignore this important message from the body that we are experiencing something.
So, try just noticing your breathing every so often. Stop and take a deep breath before you answer the phone, when you move from one task to another; give your brain chance to offload one set of thoughts before loading it up again with the next set. And if you have a few minutes spare try to only think ‘I am breathing in, I am breathing out’ and give your brain a well earned rest.
Secret 3: Notice
We miss a huge amount of what could give us pleasure by simply ignoring it. We are too busy to look at the sky, to notice how our food tastes, to feel the warmth of the shower. When we truly notice what is around us we are in the present, allowing a childlike curiosity to develop as if we are seeing or experiencing everything for the very first time. This enables us to be open to new ideas and experiences rather than being stuck in a rut of our own thinking.
Research shows that we only notice what we are looking for, what fits with our preconceptions. We create an idea of the world and then select what supports that view ignoring everything else. Really noticing what is around us gives us opportunities to rewrite negative beliefs about the world. So, after you take that pause, and that breath, just notice what you can see, hear, smell, feel or taste. You will be amazed.
Secret 4: Appreciate
When we notice what is around us we find that we begin to appreciate the little things we have taken for granted or just down-right ignored. How many of us really appreciate that we have running water in the house? That we are rarely hungry or thirsty? That we have people around us to support us, even if we aren’t aware of them? It seems that the more we have the more miserable we become and that, in part, is due to losing our appreciation.
Appreciating what we have and what we experience each day – a friendly smile, a thank you, a beautiful sunset, helps us to develop gratitude. You don’t need a spiritual framework to be grateful that you wake up in a comfortable bed, or even that you wake up at all. Keeping a gratitude or positive events diary can really help us take our attention away from that one difficult thing that happened that day and remind us of the many hundreds of small things that were positive. Just try to appreciate half a dozen events of each day before you go to bed. It will help you sleep better too.
Secret 5: Be kind – to yourself and others
The most powerful secret of them all. Practicing compassion or loving kindness releases oxytocin into the system, flooding your body with feelings of love and happiness. It is oxytocin we are craving when we use chocolate, alcohol, gambling or shopping to make us feel better. But being kind releases more oxytocin for longer than any substance we can put into the body or any momentary thrill such as possibly winning money or buying something new.
Start with yourself: give your brain and body chance to really relax, away from the TV, social media, or anything else which stimulates the active parts of the brain. Pause, breathe, notice where you are, appreciate what you have and remind yourself what a great human being you are. Close your eyes and just be. You cannot be useful to others if you do not take care of yourself.
Practise random acts of kindness, even a smile can make a huge difference to someone else’s day. And studies show that it will make you happy too. If you have time, try learning a Loving Kindness Meditation and practise it regularly allowing feelings of kindness to flow out to others; focusing on the love and compassion you have for them.
I hope you have found this useful and that you will try this simple but transformative practice: pause, breathe, notice, appreciate and be kind. Like I said, it is not a quick fix but it really does help; even on difficult days.
If you have any questions or want to look at some of the research head over to my website where you can find links to research papers and how to contact me. I really do wish you a very happy 2018.
Natalie Snuggs is a British School of Meditation registered teacher and accredited KGHypnobirther. See http://www.stillworksmeditation.com or follow Stillworks Meditation on Facebook.
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